Hallo

Long week. I like being able to wake up early and not go to school though. Just living out the morning is cool. I’ve been dreaming a lot more too, sounds dumb out of context but the last couple of weeks have been sporadic in terms of when and how long I sleep. Since Valorant classes started, it’s been one thing after another. Things have stabilized though, and for the better.

On old stuff, I finally started going back to the gym. Don’t have the excuse of a leg injury anymore, which THANK GOD that’s healed. I missed going quite a lot, even if not emotionally then just for how much of my life had molded to fit my exercise routine. I still have eggs in the morning or after workout times even after I stopped, haven’t been able to drink my favorite shakes since they’re protein heavy and cant be justified if I’m not working out consistently, and theirs always time in any given day that I’m just not using to its fullest extent, even if I go for long walks every day or so it doesn’t make up for the hours of workouts that just disappeared from my daily routine. It’s odd, I expected it to be harder, for their to be some resistance. But it was seamless, I’m already two days in and I don’t even want tomorrow to be a rest day, thank god. I feel I owe the ease somewhat to me actually going to a gym again, although the home gym as a concept is great it’s harder to start and maintain a routine off of with the limited equipment I have and in general takes more time per workout then just going to the gym, the walk counting as a warmup anyways. It all just fits into place much neater. That, and bodybuilding is a routine I’ve built up for quite a long time now. Even if I’ve occasionally stopped every now and again, it’s been nearly two years since I started going, so it’s much easier to get myself to do than any other hobbies that need a push towards . I thank myself everyday for having started. I hope I can get as consistent with other hobbies just as much as this. Haven’t drawn in a week or so, Barely touch the keyboard, and I’m gonna have to start the CS50x course from scratch to be able to understand it properly now that I’ve been gone for so long. It all seems quite daunting. That being said, part of the reason I cant get back into them has to do with expectation. I’m barely progressing as fast as id like to in any of these, and that expectation is gonna be my downfall. So I’ll try to lessen the tension. Although the idea of being more lenient with where I am in these hobbies is nice, it only really works if I have a system for progressing. I have markowsky’s drawing guide for drawing, and CS50x for computer science and beginning to code in general, but still don’t really have a system for learning the keyboard. I’ll have to do some research into that before I can really start getting consistent with playing. But I WILL, I promise I’ll have something tangible my this Saturday, AND ILL POST IT THIS SATURDAY. I promise.

One thing to note about the keyboard and drawing though, is they make me fucking combust when other people are involved. I don’t know how to explain it, since it doesn’t apply to everyone, but I swear to you when my mom or dad, and to a lesser extent my first sister, even get close to me when I’m doing either I start to lose my mind. Back when I learned to play Omori’s title and my mom recorded and sent it on her snap, I swear to you from since she found out and told my dad till they forgot about it I was losing it in my own mind more than I ever have in my entire life, the most vague but still very real discomfort throughout . Even the maid passing by to put some clothes in my drawer while I’m drawing embarrasses the hell out of me. To be honest, I wish I could draw away from everyone and everything, without anyone being able to bother me. Or at the very least, only being surrounded by the few friends I’d be comfortable drawing around. Same goes for the keyboard, I’d PAY for a headphone jack I could use so only I could hear myself play, but I’m broke as hell and I dunno if a keyboard like that even exists :p. For both cases I usually just lock the room, but then my family gets suspicious and that becomes its own issue. I’m saying all of this and my dad DIDNT EVEN KNOW I DREW TILL A MONTH OR SO AGO. My sister saved me the last time I bought a sketch set saying it was for her, god bless her soul I love her. He ended up walking in on it at some point though, and his first comment on it was “So instead of finishing and getting the German A1 certificate your wasting time playing games and drawing?”. I’d be bitter to this day about the comment, but he’s totally right that I was procrastinating on that for way too long. Thankfully I did breeze through the A1 certificate criteria the same day we had that argument and I continued about the day, but it took a couple of hours and I tell you I was BITTER the whole way through.

With that all being said, I still wanna continue to draw and be able to play the keyboard well at some point, so as much as I have been using these as excuses I cant really let it go on. So I won’t, I’ll do my best to push past it. Just thought they were worth mentioning, since it gives some context as to why I haven’t been doing either(other than for me just being lazy).

Off topic let me just say this is really nice to get out of my system :))

BTW finally finished stranger things, it was quite fun. I liked season 2 and 3, season 4 being the point where I got slightly tired of the show, but it was all still good. Season 2 concluded a lot of mysteries quite nicely, wrapped everything in a neat little bow tie. Season 3 was FUCKING GORGEOUS and I loved robin and her dynamic with Steve and Dustin. Admittedly, her personality changes quite a lot in season 4, but my personal head cannon was that the more we and the cast get to know her the less cold and snarky she gets and the more she opens up and is herself, that and her being in love leading to the very socially awkward socially inept state she’s in in season 4. Honestly now that I think about it though, that doesn’t really justify how she turned from socially capable to totally socially inept in a matter of one season, but the season already aired what can we do about it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Besides, I relate WAY more to socially inept, talks too much and isn’t sure if what she said came out right robin than cool and composed but sometimes whimsical season 3 robin, so I found it quite fun if I’m being honest. Plot wise, I think seasons 1 and 2’s more contained stories of the horrors of Hawkins, as opposed to the grander scale of later seasons, was more my style. Still though, I wouldn’t trade Starcourt mall as for anything else in the world, it was introduced and executed as a cool but mystery filled setting PERFECTLY, even if the eventual mysteries being Russian related didn’t intrigue me all too much. And again, it was stunningly beautiful, aesthetics were nailed and its awesome.

Now for something new that came out of NOWHERE. Fooly Cooly, or FLCL, is an OVA that I’d kinda known about for some time now. I used to loop a youtube edit of it “fool on cool” ALL THE TIME. I always told myself I wanted to watch the show the edit was from sometime, but never did. Then BOOM, it shows up in my recommended and I already have the site I’m watching on on another tab, so why not :p. It was fun, really over the top fun. I wont lie, the topics it presented got a bit gross for me at times. I especially hated the fucking creep of a father naota has the entire show, made some scenes unbearable, but it was all in service of the shows lessons on maturity and the several shitty relationships and exactly what makes them so bad for everybody involved. Also, the show fucking oozes style, its so stylized I LOVE IT. I mean just look at the edit I mentioned, you’ll see it for yourself first hand. IT LOOKS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD. It’s this energetic sorta anime sorta Mecha 90’s animation stylized to PERFECTION. I wont act like I understand the intricacies of an art style like this or what goes into it, but I can say I loved every second of it. And the animation quality didn’t let up for even a second. Then the character designs themselves GOOD GOD, THEYRE ALL SO COOL. Do I even have to mention Canti, for the love of god he’s the coolest robot I’ve ever seen, no hyperbole. Not to discredit anyone else though, naota and haruko are sick too. Overall, fun ride and sick art, even if the fanservice rubbed me the wrong way.

Last topic as it’s been a while now, music. To be honest, I haven’t listened to much new the past week. Still on dog bus (Andy missed da bus remix is fun to zone out to), spiral2005 and machine girl for the most part. Did buy Omori’s digital album and have been loving it though, so can’t wait to listen to more from it. Underwater prom queens has been playing a lot, but lost library and it’s forest equivalent are still easily my favorite out of any other track in the album, but god knows if that will be true by the time I’ve revisited all these amazing tracks.

Okay I’ve been writing for an hour and a half or so, I really need to get to bed. Thanks for reading this far, hope your week is great, goodnight :))