hello, april fools >>:).

Honestly, I just needed an excuse to push back this post cuz I was feeling dead tired from the week, but im here now, hi.

Hopefully you got pranked elsewhere too >:).

So, where to start? I think it’d be nice to get the academics out of the way first I guess.

The last internship FINALLY got rejected, and my goodness was I happier that it was over than sad about the rejection :p. The wait was so long that the professor rejected me on the LAST DAY OF CLASSES BEFORE BREAK.

I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THAT.

Should I be happy that maybe it was that much of a struggle to consider me or not, that I wasnt an immediate denial like the other two? I dont know.

Honestly its not like I was expecting to get in anyways, but its given me a nice jolt of energy to work with. Ever since the internship prototype that I made, my studies have been FAR more jolly and FAARRR less gloomy (aka im studying more at the bragg building). Its quite fun, i’ll keep it up in preperation for final exams (honestly, I dont see myself not studying from now till exam day, so at the very least ill just keep up the momentum at home).

More interestingly, I DID get another job doing charity work :0. Its retail, and its pretty fun. Its a mix of retail, moving stock and pricing stuff, and I really like it!

The stuff is fun to move around, the charity has a lot of goodies so its always fun just looking and slightly messing with all the different stuff the charity gets, clothes toys CD’s nutcracker pepper grinder and all the like n_n.

pricing is also fine, but obviously the less fun part of actually just getting to see new knick-knacks. Admittedely, its also WAY too much power, cause what do you mean I can choose the price people buy stuff at????? Its wild, like I, I WOULD HAVE BEEN BUYING THESE CAUSE SOMEONE ELSE DID THIS? FOR X AMOUNT OF MONEY?

The sorting of all the stuff is pretty easy (except for the books) but that whole triage (see cool stuff, price cool stuff and sort cool stuff) amount to probably the most relaxing part of the job to be honest. The rest is fine, but they have there ups and downs.

SPECIFICALLY I MEAN RETAIL.

I mean I think that was obvious :v.

The retail bit is fun, dont get me wrong, but theres a sort of flow you get into as the ‘cashier’. The quick pricing, sorting, and witty chatting make for a much more pleasant experience than if your fumbling around trying to figure things out, and the entire shift it feels like im on on ever shortening tightrope trying to keep that same balance.

The worst part about it isnt even the fall, its the WEIGHT, you know? Once you crash, its usually easy to keep up appearances and stay on the shift just fine, but internally im just DYING to get out now, and things dont feel as seamless, it just breaks down. This happened once when I had to do something that I wasnt trained for, and one of the two customers followed me to the back and STARED AT ME from the door as I was calling my manager, and I swear something in me just died a little for the rest of the shift.

I make it sound bad but honestly I suppose this is sort of just the gamble you play when you interact with so many people in a given shift, not that any of them are BAD per se, on the contrary almost EVERYONE was extremely nice, moreso that something throws you off balance. At least, thats how I feel.

Its something ill probably get used to. Besides, ive only done 2 shifts so far, and I’d say ive done pretty well despite that :). I wanted to go on about how hard it is to stay balanced when you have to gain a coworkers trust too, at least on the I thought that might be something I would talk about when I was doing the second session (different shift so different people and it was harder to adjust than I expected honestly) but after the first hour or two I was totally in a groove and the coworkers that I did have ended up being really nice again, so yea its actually pretty nice instead.

Ignore that that was the day I got thrown off by the incident though (~_~), we live. This is partially why I joined in the first place.

On that, I’ve been asked a lot by other volunteers why I joined in the first place, which is always a fun discussion, specifically because I DONT have a specific reason. Honestly, there are a lot. Learning to work with and gain some sense of independence, its good for my cv, it helps a good cause, I get accustomed with a part of the community around me in leeds, but mainly, its kind of adjacent to what we’ve already talked about.

I want to work on meeting people, and how to be ‘myself’ per-se. I dont even mean this in the “being true to who I am in my soul” though, more “how to function around other people in a way that works for everyone, without being a suckup or an asshole”, you know? Not that im either of these things (I hope) but having a place to do THAT SPECIFICALLY for a couple of hours a week takes a bit of social burden off other places, you know?

It’s a safe environment to get to talk to people, even if I kinda dont want to sometimes and just wanna lounge around in my home all day, and even if there are hiccups, as it is I probably dont have enough active spaces to just talk to strangers and maybe get to know them. The volunteering gives me that, and a bunch of other stuff, and maybe that’ll make my life a bit easier meeting new people eventually at university, who knows?

I treat it, and will continue to treat it, as a sort of warm-up, and a testing ground, for my interactions with other people.

Anyways, away from all that stuff now, Id like to go back to some cool media. First off, U.

Not you, the album, U, from underscores. Have any of you checked it out, cause GOD it is GOOD.

I mean, I already had music in my playlists before the whole album was out, but I genuinely was not expecting to fuck with the whole album as hard as I am now, its genuinely amazing.

Tell me u want it as a strater to the album is CRAZY, the energy of the whole album is apparent from the start and it doent let up EVEN FOR THE SOMBER BITS. The ride into music and hollywood forever is great, and even lovefield, supposedely the most somber track in the album (and honestly a favorite), fucks SO hard.

But of all the tracks, the other two that hit me the best, innuendo and do it, do it BEST. Theyre both super fucking catchy, do it is genuinely gonna be a ear worm for me for the next couple of months at LEAST.

Innuendo too, but funny thing about it is that I hardly thought it was raunchy until I was TOLD it is, you know?

Like, the song is horny as HELL, and I noticed it, but it isnt really something that registers with me until im told, and when I am I end up listening to the song entirely differently, and ITS AWESOME, but I dont know why??????

Something similar happened with danny brown’s album, he had this one song where its sorta just him and this girl in a car, and again its not like I didnt KNOW what was happening (okay this one I did kind of just notice too late that he was talking about getting a blowjob x)) but more like I have to know to get it, does that make sense?

Sort of like an anntena, I have to aim it at the right direction. Its not like I dont feel it or anything either, once I make a note of it the feel changes (and usually for the better), im sort of just interpreting the song as neutral before that, though neutral may not be the right term. Either way you should note that the song goes much harder when you get it ;).

Maybe this is the sort of thing that happens when you listen to raunchy songs as a kid and dont understand the lyrics for long enough, though I couoldnt tell you if this is universal :p.

Whatever, its hot. Whole album’s hot. Underscores genuinely just sounds to me like the the 2010’s club and pop songs that you’d reminisce about from time to time, but 10x cooler and more energetic, it fucks way too hard and I genuinely cant put it any better than that.

Another fun thing Ive been getting into, and honestly meaning to do for a WHILE, is scott pilgrim.

Listen, Ive known about the comics for YEARS now, I learned about it back when I didnt even know how to pirate, and then just forgot about it. Then I played the beat em up, only partially since I was staying over at a friend but even then I was DYING for more, and then I forgot about it :p.

BUT NOW, fuck it, NOW I have all the time in the world, so I bought all the comic volumes! It was a pain in the ass to get, the delivery service was royalmail and by extension, parcelforce >:(.

If you remember how that went with the piano, then you know exactly how this went because it went the SAME. They missed my delivery twice, this time on the second delivery didnt even deliver to the location I changed it to (a post office), and I had to walk almost 2 hours to their centre and then wait an extra hour for the driver to return and TAKE THAT SHIT MYSELF, GODDAMN, FUCK PARCELFORCE (the staff were great no hate to you all but the delivery system is garbage and pure filth from top to bottom <3).

Thankfully though, that whole ordeal was practically doubled in good karma and returned right back to me, cuz the other set of volumes delivered by amazon got a FULL, RETURNLESS REFUND.

HOLY SHIT was that a fucking pallette cleanser, as you can probably imagine :0. I got 4/6 of the volumes from amazon, so it was damn near a refund of the whole order, and I got A LOT BACK.

Frankly I dont even know why, I only asked for a partial refund given the books they delivered were a little worn. I can only assume its because it was my second purchase on the account, and they want me (a student) to trust them, subscribe and all that jargon, which is still totally up in the air but DAMN is that refund doing them a good favor.

O, or maybe it was because I was really nice in the customer service chat. Kindness pays off I guess n_n.

Anyhoot, thats basically what I’ve sunk into since the vacation started too, so far I’ve already finished volumes 1 to 5 and I LOVE it, its amazing, but I honestly feel like maybe Im reading it too fast you know?

This is sort of something you always think about when doing anything you really like to some extent, is you dont want it to end, right? For this though, finishing 1-5 in just 3 days is kind of overkill, so im thinking about it.

What to do? Maybe I just let myself loose and read it all, then use the spare time to read it again? Maybe I read it slower, like a volume a day or for several days, and let it ruminate? Should I set with a volume for several reads and THEN move on?

GOD ITS NOT THAT SERIOUS BUT MAN IS IT FUN TO THINK ABOUT.

I honestly dont know, but I already want to read it from the start again. Thats probably what ill do after finishing last volume (volume 6), and ill be keeping my thoughts on it for whenever im done with that whole thing, you’ll know.

For now though, thats about all I have left in me though. Thanks for reading! And or waiting, if you had to wait since sunday, then thanks again :).

Before I go, I’ll leave you with one more thing. Not a song recommendation, but a thought. Id like you to sit on it if you can, cause I find it interesting, and so that I can talk about it sometime.

Now will I even talk about it later, im not sure, but I finf the thought really intriguing and want to pass it on while I still sit on it as well. So, simply put,

Im not sure that math is a science, and im not sure that drawing is an artform. The ways that both of these things operate, and many other hobbies too, sort of break down once your at either a high enough level or reject convention. Math becomes an artform, and art can be a science, and it probably says more about how we view them than how they are (like the rigidity and factuality of science vs the romanticism of art and its expressions of things).

Let me know if you have any thoughts about that, or just enjoy the thought :). Ill get back to you on it if I ever have any conclusion that I’ve come to.

Thats all for now though, see you again soon!